Something is fucking wrong with me I think of killing people all the fucking time and I don’t want anybody to think I’m crazy and the only situations I think of it is in self defense because some crazy ass bitch tries harming me or others and because I do that people would actually think of me as a real human being and I would actually be honored for suffering and yet every single day nothing happenes and I feel like there is something deeply wrong with me deep inside that wants to just cry and scream with my blood spilling because I feel so fucking worthless. Nobody ever listens to my thoughts or ever listens the first time and truly understands the words coming from my mouth. Every day I have only 1 reason to get up for one person and that’s the only thing holding me together now. Something is utterly wrong with me and if I tell someone who is actually meant to try to help anything I will get put in a mental prison for my thoughts against myself and others without helping. I am a lost cause to this society for I was rejected long ago before I even gained the knowing of thoughts and only had fucked up memories of being rejected and being used. I was such a deep fucking thinker until society decided to take it away little by little by idiot teachers who are paid minimum wage to teach things that computers do now which was decided even more idiots that lost the ability to know what children feel and want forever ago and are in their 60’s rotting away proud of their choice dispite causing suisides and stupider children each generation and yet I am fully aware of how shitty everything is in this stupid world of rape and more where I am becoming more insane little by little until I become close enough to a breaking point where I seem like a crazy bitch incel without anyone batting an eye about how anybody suffers with closed minds laughing at anybody with a slight difference in humor or intelligence. And yet I and other people are forced to work with retarded people every day who belong in a low iq school because of inclusion even though it brings better students down and now almost everyone I’m surrounded by is retarded and stupid. Someone disect me and slip into my skin for a day without any help or support from a loving man and try to survive with my brain, eyes and body and just live a day with the voices. You would kill yourself too. But oh wow I am alive with a string left. My mental power is immense and it’s not just what I’ve been through because yes it’s a lot but I have an unsolved mental illness which is making me go insane slowly and that is holding onto the same string as my life. I cut myself for the first time because I was craving the feeling of blood pouring out of my body and I couldn’t take anything anymore, not just because I was depressed without anyone caring or seeing for years straight. I imagine gore of people i don’t even know almost every day with the only thing silencing it is love from the only thing I truly have left to hang onto unless I am rage full and so I sit in silence my consciousness dragged somewhere else to have the essence around me of blood and rage. Nobody can help me for I am far gone in my thoughts and far too intelligent to go through methods which I thought of long ago. My philosophy never passing your mind because past me being intelligent is an insane monster who only thinks about lust and blood. To be wise and intelligent to a massive extent is to see all and to see all is to suffer. All of this is fit inside a little 14 year old girl who only wishes to fulfill dreams with the love of her life but her thoughts haunt her forever because the past and the present are torture without her love here to save her just by his presence. And yet despite everything good there is her thoughts won’t shut up.
GatewaytoMemedom Eheh im sigma.
• ReplyGatewaytoMemedom Hes patrick bateman from americas pshyco
• ReplySpongeBob55 my suggestion is that you would get honest therapy
• ReplyHorrorifc I can understand where you are coming from. I may not have your exact feelings or to that exact same degree but I have thought just you like, heck I’ve harmed myself multiple times. It’s not worth it. And if people don’t care that fricking sucks.
• ReplyAbelReal And remember. Makes sure you hang out with a good audience. For whatever they do will bleed onto you
• ReplyAbelReal I would either do so first thing in the morning, at nighttime, or both
• ReplyAbelReal Pray to God how you feel about others, yourself, your Love for god, repentance, or even if you're mad at God
• ReplyAbelReal I say pray for you, your loved ones, and your enimies
• ReplyAbelReal I feel a lot of what you feel. But the reason why I'm not so insane is cause I read the bible and worship the lord on my freetime.
AbelReal Matthews 11:28 Then Jesus said, 'come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I shall give you rest
• ReplyEtc... So I would recommend that you at least give an opportunity to an honest therapy. I sincerely hope that you'll be able to overcome what you're going through and I trust your mental strength, I also hope this message helps you in some way! Thanks for sharing! (Part 10, End)
• ReplyEtc...
• ReplyEtc... In other words, you may be able to see all which premises you conceived in your mind & which results can reside in the complexity of your thoughts, but there are still many things that exceed our solo understanding be it because of what may ...or closed feedback loops (Part 8)
• ReplyEtc... Remember that said methods are the collective work of people who by themselves mayn't be able to figure stuff out that you haven't thought of but who being part of the complexity of human interactions enrich a field which possibly escapes its own purely logic lead path (Part 7)
• ReplyEtc... Please don't close yourself to external help be it from close persons or from therapists: I kind of know what you mean when you say you're too intelligent to go through methods, I also thought and still think like that sometimes
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