People Who Grew Up With Polyamorous Parents Reveal What It Was Like

It sucks, I was bullied everywhere by everyone. It was an open secret in the community. My father has two wives. And my half-sister is only 3 months younger than me. Growing up together, I was my father's personal punching bag. We play together, but I am the one that gets hit for no reason.

I hated my childhood. As I turned 18, I left home and never look back. The process, hardship, and all the betting made me the person I am today. I am a lot more careful, always pause to think, reflect, and plan before sharing or making my next step. As a result, I have a stronger bond with my mother than my brothers who are older before the second wife came into our lives. One life skill I learned from this experience is that always use the negative energy to slingshot oneself to the next level.

Such as, If life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Be more like water, go with the flow and not take it personally. Finally, there is no right or wrong. But perspective, balance, and timing in life. There is no movie when there is no bad guys. No tales without the hero or vallain. Life is unfair, but one big classroom and we must learn from our mistakes. I forgive but never forget. I find my own happiness within.

/MargoMarz/

I'm a teenager but not living with my polyamorous dad but this is still happening. My father impregnated a woman, and she gave birth to a girl. They weren't married and my half sister grew up relatively estranged with her mother. Then he met my mother, got her pregnant (with me) and married her right after.

He then had three more kids with her, two girls and another son. Then they broke up (messily) and my dad ran away to be with his best friend who is a lesbian. I don't understand all of it since I mostly grew up with my mom but my dad now has three wives including the lesbian woman. He also has 7 children with those three women.I hate my father. He's evil and manipulated all of us to believe everything he says. He's really good at making friends, and he has this reputation of being 'Jesus like.' He even plays into the image by having long hair and a really long beard. My dad calls himself a Christian but he's a cheat. He claimed to be a contractor (he's not) and cheated his church into paying for really bad construction work. 

He's the definition of a narcissist, he has claimed all of these crazy things. He said he broke his hand but his wives (by the way, he's in his late 30's, two of his wives are in their early 20's) healed it by praying. He said that he has synesthesia (a form of autism according to him) which allows him to detect personality types. He lies so much, he told all of us that he has a liver condition that is treatable by some expensive drug or some bacteria in hops. In normal people language, that means he's an alcoholic.

I know that turned into a rant about hating my dad but there's little to like about him. And it's sad knowing that almost 10 of my other siblings have been conditioned into seeing him as some great man other than the crazy hack he really is.

My eldest half sister and my full siblings are the only ones who are old enough to understand this. And we have the advantage of growing up somewhat detached from him. Although I admit I used to be underneath his spell, he used to tell us to report our mother to the police for being abusive and stuff like that.

I've anonymously tipped off CPS a few times about my young half siblings' living situation to no avail. They live in a really cramped house with no heating, a barely functional kitchen and not enough hot water to clean everyone.

My dad doesn't use protection, if the 12 kids wasn't evidence of it enough already. Oh also, I really like how I'm named after him, and the other 11 of us have names that start with the same initial as him. I'm changing my name as soon as I turn 18.

My mother's family has always been against my dad's living situation. But my dad always said that it's because they were ignorant and didn't understand love. My dad and his three wives are God's will according to him.

I always ignored my family. I had cancer when I was a kid and I didn't have a lot of time to develop mentally. So I think that's why it took a long time for me to understand how messed up things were.

I always felt a connection to my dad since we share the same name and he made me feel special by saying stuff like it's God's will for me to have cancer. And how it inspired him to start a charity to help kids like me who have cancer.

The charity hasn't done anything in several years by the way, but someone who said they worked for him messaged me saying he uses his charity to write off things as tax free.

This is probably close minded but I could never be in a polygamous relationship. I think my experiences growing up has made me more protective of the people I love though. I have a lot of friends who I would never wish this upon.

There was this girl in my class who said her parents were having a divorce and I remember bursting into tears because I immediately thought about this crap happening to her step siblings. Which is really pessimistic I'd say.
/juniorthrowaway5/

Shortly after the death of my mother in my late 20s, I discovered my parents had started out in an open relationship. I know that's not quite poly, but eh.
At one point, apparently, my mom had wanted to end the polyamorous part of the relationship. My dad apparently wanted to keep fucking other people.

It sounds like he was probably fucking his students, which is all kinds of unethical and gross. Later he progressed to fucking other college teachers.

He kept lying to my mom -- I'm not sure if my mom knew or if he was having multiple affairs, I do remember him coming home late a lot when I was young -- and eventually left her and convinced her he was just living by himself.

Meanwhile he moved in with a woman he had I suppose seen last over a decade earlier (my brother and I both knew, even though my dad hasn't admitted ) and kept lying to my mom about it.

My dad, as far as I'm concerned, is cowardly cheating scum.

Instead of honestly renegotiating the terms of his marriage and breaking it off when one person wanted to fuck others and the other wasn't okay with that, he led my mom who was totally devoted to him along the whole time.

He took the best years of her life and left her when she was sickly and unwilling and unable to find a partner. I moved across country recently and used him as an emergency contact.

I deeply regret that and I'll be changing it over to my family friends who have been better family than him to me.
I know he's a Redditor since he likes to repeat jokes he finds on here, so maybe he'll read this thread and recognize himself. Dad, on the off chance you read this: you're a fucking arrogant, selfish asshole.

You don't know how to deal with people honestly and you don't understand the finer nuances of human relationships.

You are a liability to me and frankly I wish you'd just fuck off. Just like my mom apparently didn't deserve honesty from you, you don't deserve honesty from me.

Also, your wife is transphobic trash and I hate her.

A person who talks about "being so close to the lgbt youth centers!" on one hand and then talks out of the other side of their mouth about how your other child is "dangerous because they're on testosterone" is a trash human who is liberal only in name and not in deed or thought and you should be fucking ashamed to value them above your own child when you ban your child from ever visiting.

/Syn-chronicity/

This felt therapeutic to write. The tl;dr is that complex issues shouldn't take any assumptions for granted and benefit tremendously from active dialogues where you can be honest and inquisitive. My parents had a shotgun wedding when they were 19. I was the intentional 2nd child a few years later. At age 3, my family immigrated to America (we're Caucasian Catholics/atheists so don't go around making crazy ethnic judgements from this). When I was 4-5, my dad began to love another woman who was also from our birth country. For this story, I'll call her Amy. Around age 7 my parents bought our family home. My sibling and I shared a room; Amy had a room; My mom and dad shared the master bedroom.I can't really recall the mundane parts of daily life back then. But I think it was rather strange. Amy wouldn't really interact with me or my sibling. She didn't eat at our dinner table. I did play board games with Amy's sister when she was around because nobody else would. Every now and then, my parents would fight (emotionally but not physically abusive). Those fights generally involved issues over Amy.

My parents said they sat me and my sibling down to discuss this situation at one point before I was 8, but I have zero recollection of this. I now know I repressed many memories associated with Amy. There wasn't really further discussion of the situation; Amy was just the proverbial Elephant in the Room. Nobody in the household would mention Amy to others. Our homeland's culture and where we live in America would view this as a very scandalous affair.

To this day, I'm not sure what extended family members or friends know. My dad has separate sets of friends who know my mom and who know Amy. I think some of his current drinking buddies know both, but at the time I think he avoided mentioning it. Hell to this day, I've only felt comfortable sharing details about this to 6 close friends and 1 romantic partner. You Strangers on the internet cannot affect me. My sibling has only felt comfortable sharing with 2. My sibling also has latent personal issues because their whole life was a drunken mistake : ( As a slight positive, those issues have empowered my sibling to be very focused and successful in their life/career!

At age 11 my Dad was able to buy a second home where he would be with Amy about every other day. At this point I moved into Amy's former room in my family home. It was nice to finally have my own room. It was less nice to have constant angst and developmental issues because I was incapable of processing my family dynamic... There aren't alot of tv shows or books to inform my conception of families that were brought together by teenage pregnancy where the father had unmet emotional needs he satisfied with another woman but also felt a traditional nuclear family duty to his kids and their mother.

At age 12 or 13 I remember getting really upset when I'd check the family mailbox and see letters addressed to Amy. Sometimes I'd throw those pieces of mail on the asphalt and stomp on them a few times before taking them inside the house. Eventually my dad called me out on my petty malice and we fought (again nothing physically harmful).

There were a few other small squabbles and we ended up just not talking to each other for at least half a year. We are both very stubborn men. I avoided being in the same room as him. I didn't wish him a happy birthday that year. He didn't wish me one either. I can say 14 was definitely the worst birthday of my life. Around thanksgiving or Christmas that we reconciled; however, we didn't really discuss our issues, just hugged and moved on. When I applied to colleges, my dad separated from my mother in our tax documents to help me get more financial aid. There was no change in how they lived their life. But I guess it was technically true anyway. When I finished college, he reversed those changes.

After college, I was better equipped to have extended dialogue with my family about these issues. I suffer from depression and typically hid episodes from my family (which I now realize stems from the way I hid details of my parents relationship). Feeling shaky at my uncertain future, I blew up and yelled at my dad and expressed my frustration at his weird-ass relationship. After that we sat and talked through the this hush-hush unique aspect of our family life.

It really startled my dad because he didn't comprehend why I'd never talked to him about it since it was an issue for. He didn't connect me being a kid stomping on Amy's mail to my personal issues. He felt I could have asked about that this whole time if it bothered me. To be fair, my parents grew up under an oppressive failed government, so they have better pragmatism when it comes to real life problems versus these more petty relationship/psychological dramas.

My dad shared this cbs news clip about poly relationships and he shared more of his perspective. My mom and dad do care for each other in a romantic way. My mom is okay with Amy even though it upsets her. When they were younger, my mom had many of her own self-esteem issues that she hid from us kids because of her feelings as a young mother.

She would do some upsetting things to my dad, so when he met Amy he disregarded our society's norms about monogamous relationships. It's a peculiar situation, but its also very stable now. Regardless of the taboo about it, there isn't alot to talk about now. It is what it is. My mom, dad, and Amy are all decent people who have struggled through challenges in life which didn't have flawless solutions.

Even though it once felt wrong to me for my dad to have two romantic partners, I now think my parents have been able to have a more useful relationship as they've aged. Now that I have a more accepting view of this relationship and its impact on my upbringing, I feel more actively cognizant of my social filters and think it has allowed me to dive deeper into sensitive dialogue with people I care about.

If anybody connects with these issues feel free to ask me anything. Finally, if you're feuding with someone important who you won't talk to because the issue seems so obvious, be the person who starts dialogue. Things obvious to you are really hard to see from another's perspective. It is really powerful to discuss your personal issues with the people impacted by them.

Preferably talk in person or over the phone (text sucks, can you guess how long it took to write just this story?). On this note, I feel compelled to mention that if you've had a failed relationship, this advice may not apply. Somethings aren't meant to be if open dialogue cannot be achieved and that is 100% okay. Never harass someone into a conversation!

/thankyouMississippi/

Wait shit, I keep forgetting this applies to me. When I was born my father was married to my (then) stepmother and they were dating my mother.

My dad had had a few kids with my stepmom by the time I entered a picture, and idk if my dad just refused to use a condom or what because he didn’t stop having kids for awhile. I have a brother born within a week of me to my stepmom.

When I was very young all three of them split for a network of reasons.

They were never a very functional unit. My stepmom was kicked out of the picture taking one kid with her while my mom looked after and parented many kids, only one of which were biologically hers (me).

My dad and mom had a ton of issues related to some masculinity complexes on the part of my dad, and nothing really dysfunctional families.

The story I’m told is that my mom gave up a full ride at MIT to look after all these kids while my dad worked for some shitty grocery store. Whatever the case she eventually left him, taking me with her. He tried to win her back, practically abandoning his other kids which made my mom even more upset.

A year or so later I got taken from my mom’s custody because a real serious case of abuse that was done either by her or her new husband.

Idk which, she won’t tell me. Then after I was taken from her custody for some real serious drug addiction.
Ultimately it was network of issues, people fleeing abusive homes to make a new one. As far as I can tell everyone is doing well now. Dad is with a new woman who’s the breadwinner of their family.

My mom finished rehab, won back custody of me, and we’ve had our problems but we’re working through them, and she went back to college and is now doing well for herself.

I’m not sure what happened to my ex-stepmom. I hope she’s doing well.
Going forward I do have very close friends who are poly and will be raising kids as a large family unit. I think it’s certainly doable, and that they’re gonna be successful.

It’s just that any relationship (and having kids) is affected so much by the life you’re living.

It’s not going to free you from a toxic life. You have to rid the toxicity from your life before you have kids. If you’re in something that’s ruining your life, it’s going to ruin your life and your relationships and your relationship with your kids.

/VoidBearer/

I've been poly 15+ years. I always ask the children of my parters and other poly friends how they feel. Well- for the young ones, they don't know any different.

I mean, their school friends are different but there are now families with two mommies or two daddies or gramps and grams or a ton of other permutations.
They just seem to accept that there are more people at home to play games or go sledding or talk incessantly to.

They get to go to parties with tons of adults to complain to or dote on them or sneak them extra goodies- and lots of kids that they have something in common with.

Now, the older kids (10-ish to 20-ish) have a more colorful spectrum of opinions. Shockingly, being embarrassed was not something I heard.

They were worried about what divorce would mean- how would the dynamic work?

Would they lose their non-legal parents? They are worried they might feel pressure or jokes or other such embarrassments when they enter the dating world. Would their parents tease them about being mono or poly?

Would becoming poly mean turning their lives into their parent's lives? "My mom was so broken up after her (6 year) relationship ended. She has never had those problems with dad. I never want to go through that.

I am only falling in love once." "We are so happy when DeDe comes to visit us or calls us even though she is no longer with our parents! We love her and miss her!"

"I wanna have two boyfriends and a girlfriend. I think that would be the right ratio. Mom didn't get it right. She needs another guy in her life."

So, the thing is I have gotten very similar answers from monogamous couple's children.

In the end it comes down to the quality of general parenting, an open door policy when it comes to answers that the children have, and always encouraging children to pick their own paths when it comes to their romantic relationships.
Oh- and it shouldn't have to be said, but introducing new love interests too soon or having unhealthy and/or abusive relationships are bad for the children involved.

Physical violence, emotional manipulation, sexual predatory behaviors, and child-witnessed drug/alcohol/party behavior can slant a child away from wanting to do with anything their parents do, including number of romantic partners.

/DigitalGarden/

Reading this post over my wife's shoulder encouraged me to finally join reddit. So you could say this is an important topic to me.
My parents were monogamous until I was about 13 and my older siblings had moved out. They were pretty much done with parenting and decided to develop their relationship "to its next stage".

The process wasn't always mutual, and there were a lot of power plays. That meant an open marriage for a few years, a second wife for about a year, and then a marriage with another couple.

It was all happening as I was a young teenager, and it was pretty F'ing intense.

Try to imagine the emotional brinkmanship that goes into changing a relationship that drastically in just a few years. The second husband couldn't handle it, tried to take his insecurities out on me and then left.

They were very honest and open, we had emotional processing discussions all together in the living room, and no one wore clothes in the jacuzzi, but I sure as hell didn't share any of this with my friends. I lied my way through high school.

Many of you have said not to bring kids up in this environment. I'm not certain that's a hard and fast rule IF the relationship is polygamous BEFORE they're born, because some people here have been fine with that when that's how life started.

But I definitely agree that you should not turn a kid's world upside down while they're in the house. If my parents would have listened, I would have told them to wait until after I moved out.

Also, side effect, it pisses me off that when occasionally I have gone to a counselor ('cause mental health is a thing, you know) like when my parents got sick, then passed away, combined with career change or parenting stress, the counselors always want to talk about this for like 3 sessions.

It's just too titillating for them to ignore. Moths to the flame. I'm like, "I came to you with a problem about grief. Don't get off on how my parents hopped from bed to bed while you're billing me." I'm serious, but it's also funny.

How has it affected my relationships? I went on exactly one date during all of high school, and was invited to one party that wasn't a friend's birthday party. As soon as I moved out and went away to college, I found a girl within a week and dated her happily for a few years.

Never had a problem finding a good woman to be with, and never wanted to be with more than one. It has probably also made me much more aware of emotional communication and how important it is to avoid playing games with other people's feelings. I've been married for 20 years now and have no intention of opening my marriage.Reading about some of the kids currently in this situation, especially where there is dishonesty or games being played, is very upsetting to me. 

I wish them all strength, and the clarity to know that their parents' crap belongs to their parents and not them. Don't let anyone else judge you based on what your parents do.

/Cytwytever/

My story is essentially biology becoming destiny. My dad was profoundly catholic, he later became a theologian. I was raised in mostly traditional values with the exception of birth-control, they were all for it.

I went on to become fairly traditionally minded myself, peaking at around 21 years old. Just a catholic boy from catholic parents.
Then I had a terrible crisis of faith and started questioning everything. I came to realize that I didn't relate to monogamy and exclusivity at all, and that the only reason I was "faithful" even to my fuckbuddies, was because I wanted to protect their feelings even if it was a pain in the ass for me.

I wasn't jealous at all myself, so I started to pursue a serious open relationship because I honestly thought it was the perfect match for my temperament and my emotional style.

The time came when I disclosed to my mother that I wasn't monogamous, and she replied "You are just like your father".

I thought she joked for a second. Apparently he had persuaded her to try swinging in the early years of their relationship, but she was never really into it.

Most of the tension in their relationship came from that. It completely shattered the image I had of my parents.

Apparently they thought that as long as they did their kinky swinger thing as a married couple, they were still in Yaveh's good graces 🙏🏻

I had been watching some lectures about sexual behaviour in humans and other animal species, and how the tendency towards promiscuity it was highly inheritable.

It also came associated with a lot of other psychological and physical traits, and my father happened to tick most of the boxes.

Surprise, surprise, so did I. So I was raised to be exclusively monogamous, rebelled against it, embraced polyamory, realized I had been following in my father's footsteps the whole time.

It's like he had built this traditional framework around me to guide me away from his own slutty lifestyle, but couldn't fight the slut within me.
That said, most of the poly people I've met are quite weird in some way, and I wonder if I really want to date people like them.

I'm really starving for a healthy, functional, well-adjusted example of an open couple in my social circle.

[redacted]

I only grown up with a single mum who is vaguely poly just because she simply never had a officially closed relationship. She rarely dated and only few times it was more than one person (who were as vague as her to define).

However, she never really was on any sort of romantic scene hence she absolutely does not define anything. The most action she had was as a uni student but all her mates were pretty much same and just dating everyone thus not really qualifying.However, my father (aka. the standard sort of immature fellow who abandons kids) did identify as poly but forgot to inform anyone else in a very comedic manner (not as much to his partners). I have read his letters to my mum after they went their separate ways (with her permission) and he uses the term multiple times ... in 80s USSR occupied Poland where no one knows English.

He was a sort of a bloke that was a slimey charmer not because of being romantically dishonest even but due to being a scam artist (pyramid schemes were his biggest love). Being quite intelligent and outspoken plus active in political and academic circles got him into important people's pockets.

Him and my mum were their uni city's political representatives that had been the only ones not affiliated with USSR but that is a different topic. Point is, he managed to make mum declare a closed relationship and it all went great.

Until she got pregnant because accidents happen. The aforementioned pregnancy was going badly from the start and doctors did not have much hopes thus mum could have used some emotional support but nope, dude run off albeit kept writing aforementioned letters and promising return.

However, my parental unit had enough of that and declared he can bugger off forever when he eventually appeared right after she suffered through nightmareish labour at 6th month. His response? "Oh. Well. I got married and my wife is having a kid tomorrow by the way."

I assume he survived only because mum was in bed but then ... he went to the wife in question and spoke about his girlfriend being all mean and woe was him. His wife dumped him on the spot since she had no idea he had a girlfriend when he married her (she was from a different city as otherwise mum and him were well known).

His letters were pretty much all rambling about how horrid they treated him and he was the marginalised party with being poly and all (not explaining what he meant).

After I had read those, I did translate term for my poor mother who was more amused after all those years.

Sadly the story has no good end. The wife went to become a brilliant astronomer and had a lapse in judgement having another kid with said dude (although maybe she just wanted a kid, I do not know as never met her).

Both kids went to become equally brilliant but their speciality was IT. She died few years ago to cancer and it was awful to mum as she admired her. Ironically, the eldest son who was born a day after me lives somewhere up the same road as me (it is a long arse road and he lived there first while I happened across a boyfriend with a house there) but we never met. Their father is still a scam artist.My story is just the "someone uses being poly as an excuse to cheat" faire. I have had friends with poly parents who had both great families or bad ones. 

Of course also had poly friends with various relationships as well. Generally, folks that organise their relationships more and have to communicate efficiently with more partners win more but parenting is mystifying to everyone probably.

/val-en-tin/

Trust issues from confidants and protectors disappearing frequently
Learning to see people as completely expendable, the development of a very selfish and overtly 'professional' attachment style (not in a good way, they end up acting like they're everyone's HR manager)

Promotes a lackadaisical, potentially harmful or self-destructive sexuality, especially while the child finds out swingers are in fact the minority

Machiavellian tendencies and skills flourish as the kid watches various suitors vie for attention and status. Great way to make a career liar

HEY, REMEMBER THAT TOXIC BITCH/ASSHOLE YOU OR SOMEONE ELSE DUMPED FOR BEING NASTY TO YOUR/THEIR KID?

How would you feel about yourself, how would your kid feel about you, if you personally provided every single opportunity for that to happen to them again, and again, and again but from different people?

The worst case scenario for a kid in a poly house is being subjected to a rapid succession of brand new abusers.

And that's for the average parent, who can get most emotional/developmental decisions right, keep growing and adapt, and stay peaceful.

Lots of poly people just claim to be poly as a disguise for being cheaters so you're against the odds finding successful poly parents and honorable poly partners

Now let's discuss the major downside: An abusive parent is a perfect setup for bigotry and hatred. If one's mom is a conniving, emotionally fragile, sheltered/repressed closet narcissist they'd probably grow up with some misogynic feelings.

Now imagine if the kid sees the 2 or 3 women of a poly group collectively abusing the males, legit fucking unhealthy environment

The secondary dangers I forgot about. Siblings. I've tried to help someone who's brother in a poly house, to be diplomatic... turned on her, and honestly thought he was doing something loving.

I didnt have to go through that but my older sibling has 0 concept of boundaries to this day and I was held hostage or prisoner in my own house every weekend with no recourse.Other secondary danger: try convincing 2 shit parents they're doing it wrong or theres a better way. Were you successful? Try doing that when you're the youngest child, outnumbered by at least 4.

/BenedictBadgersnatch/

My dad is poly but my mom really isnt. They tried an open marriage for awhile but it didnt work out. My step-mom and my dad successfully have an open marriage and he has/had recently another girlfriend that he sees occasionally.
Before my dad met my step-mom but after he and my mom split up, he had a very serious girlfriend who was a good deal younger than him.

They had a bad breakup that had partly to do with my mom and partly to do with their age difference and wanting different things out of life.

I never knew about any of that until I was older. They all kept it very under wraps.

They never told me this, but I suspect that the girl my dad was with before my step-mom, my parents were trying and open relationship again, but this time with new girl as his "primary" and my mom as his secondary as they had already established that there were a lot of things that didnt quite work with them.

But no one ever told me that, it's just that the three of them seemed really close and my parents were really getting along for the first time in a long time despite my dad's nee girlfriend and their hard and fast relationship.

My parents were also both very active in AA. They'd both been clean and sober for years by the time they had kids and would frequently sponsor and house people on out property.

After finding out about their swinging/poly lifestyle and experiments I wonder how many of the people that stayed with us for a safe place to get sober, may have actually been my mom's boyfriends, or more likely, my dad's girlfriends.

Now as an adult, I've had a tiny bit of experience with poly relationships.

I'm fairly certain they're not for me and I know enough to know that they require a LOT of work in order to be healthy and open and honest and considerate of all parties involved.

I mean, think about how hard 2 person relationships are. Add another person, and all 3 peoples' feelings and needs have to be considered.

I've seen people do it beautifully and successfully, but I cant imagine my parents ever could have been successful at it with how messed up they are in some ways that are vital to interpersonal relationships.I'm not sure if this is very informative for you since I wasn't aware that my parents were poly for most of my childhood. 

I think keeping that sort of thing from the kids was common back then.

/AsuraSantosha/

I only grown up with a single mum who is vaguely poly just because she simply never had a officially closed relationship. She rarely dated and only few times it was more than one person (who were as vague as her to define).

However, she never really was on any sort of romantic scene hence she absolutely does not define anything. The most action she had was as a uni student but all her mates were pretty much same and just dating everyone thus not really qualifying.

However, my father (aka. the standard sort of immature fellow who abandons kids) did identify as poly but forgot to inform anyone else in a very comedic manner (not as much to his partners).

I have read his letters to my mum after they went their separate ways (with her permission) and he uses the term multiple times ... in 80s USSR occupied Poland where no one knows English.

He was a sort of a bloke that was a slimey charmer not because of being romantically dishonest even but due to being a scam artist (pyramid schemes were his biggest love). Being quite intelligent and outspoken plus active in political and academic circles got him into important people's pockets.

Him and my mum were their uni city's political representatives that had been the only ones not affiliated with USSR but that is a different topic. Point is, he managed to make mum declare a closed relationship and it all went great.

Until she got pregnant because accidents happen. The aforementioned pregnancy was going badly from the start and doctors did not have much hopes thus mum could have used some emotional support but nope, dude run off albeit kept writing aforementioned letters and promising return.

However, my parental unit had enough of that and declared he can bugger off forever when he eventually appeared right after she suffered through nightmareish labour at 6th month. His response? "Oh. Well. I got married and my wife is having a kid tomorrow by the way."

I assume he survived only because mum was in bed but then ... he went to the wife in question and spoke about his girlfriend being all mean and woe was him. His wife dumped him on the spot since she had no idea he had a girlfriend when he married her (she was from a different city as otherwise mum and him were well known).

His letters were pretty much all rambling about how horrid they treated him and he was the marginalised party with being poly and all (not explaining what he meant). After I had read those, I did translate term for my poor mother who was more amused after all those years.

Sadly the story has no good end. The wife went to become a brilliant astronomer and had a lapse in judgement having another kid with said dude (although maybe she just wanted a kid, I do not know as never met her). Both kids went to become equally brilliant but their speciality was IT.

She died few years ago to cancer and it was awful to mum as she admired her. Ironically, the eldest son who was born a day after me lives somewhere up the same road as me (it is a long arse road and he lived there first while I happened across a boyfriend with a house there) but we never met. Their father is still a scam artist.

My story is just the "someone uses being poly as an excuse to cheat" faire. I have had friends with poly parents who had both great families or bad ones. Of course also had poly friends with various relationships as well.

Generally, folks that organise their relationships more and have to communicate efficiently with more partners win more but parenting is mystifying to everyone probably.

[redacted]

Using this thread as an opportunity to get this off my chest and learn more:

My sister and her husband are poly, and I do worry about when they decide to have kids. I like my sister's husband very much, he's a straightforward dude with a good sense of humor, and my sister is by no means a malaceful or mean person, but they both (especially my sister) have a history of dating some pretty bottom of the barrel people.

I'm talking people who our family IMMEDIATELY were put off by, total losers who couldn't keep jobs, spent all their money on cigarettes and weed, some had kids that they had lost custody of or were just poor parents to, abusive, immature fucks. Some of them haven't even had a whole mouth full of teeth.

Pretty much everyone my sister has dated in her adult life (besides her current husband), from day one our family will be like "dude, what do you even SEE in this person?" and she has the attitude of "They're not perfect but they have such a ~good heart~". It's to the point where I almost feel like her criteria for dating someone is just "are they interested in me? Yes? Sounds like boyfriend/girlfriend material!"

My sister is bisexual and her husband is I think open to experimenting with guys/figuring it out and they've told me their ideal situation is to find another girl to be a triad with them, but as of yet they've kept their extramarital partners as kinda separate and they don't treat them like a group relationship.

Unrelated to the polyamory but they both struggle with depression, as do I, but my sister is hit especially hard. I don't mean to sound harsh but my sister does not do a great job of taking care of herself, as in she neglects therapy and tends to blame others for her problems.

I have even caught her lying to people about her upbringing (she told a group of people we had just met that she was "all on her own since she was 18", despite the fact that we both got $30k college funds from our grandparents and that my parents paid out of pocket for her tuition, rent, and groceries for the first couple years of college (and then she dropped out her senior year).

I confronted her immediately and she played like she didn't know what I was talking about, I think to save face in front of these people we just met).

Her husband seems to do very little to encourage her to take her mental health into her own hands and seek treatment.

I guess what I'm getting at is, I'm just really worried about their future kids, which they have told me they'd like to have in the next few years.

Polyamory aside, I think there's a lot of unaddressed problems that they both have that could affect their children, and I'm worried that a near constant stream of (most likely) mentally unstable adults coming in and out of their lives will, for lack of a better term, fuck them up.

I'm not saying that there's anything inherently wrong with polyamory. Whatever consenting adults want to do with each other is no business of mine.

But from my personal experience, pretty much every polyamorous person I've met has suffered from some level of not-having-their-shit-together-itis. I don't want to make sweeping judgements, but this is just what I've seen.

I guess my point of all this is, do any of you have any input on this situation?

/ohcoconuts/

Shortly after the death of my mother in my late 20s, I discovered my parents had started out in an open relationship. I know that's not quite poly, but eh.

At one point, apparently, my mom had wanted to end the polyamorous part of the relationship. My dad apparently wanted to keep fucking other people.

It sounds like he was probably fucking his students, which is all kinds of unethical and gross. Later he progressed to fucking other college teachers.

He kept lying to my mom -- I'm not sure if my mom knew or if he was having multiple affairs, I do remember him coming home late a lot when I was young -- and eventually left her and convinced her he was just living by himself.

Meanwhile he moved in with a woman he had I suppose seen last over a decade earlier (my brother and I both knew, even though my dad hasn't admitted ) and kept lying to my mom about it.

My dad, as far as I'm concerned, is cowardly cheating scum.

Instead of honestly renegotiating the terms of his marriage and breaking it off when one person wanted to fuck others and the other wasn't okay with that, he led my mom who was totally devoted to him along the whole time.

He took the best years of her life and left her when she was sickly and unwilling and unable to find a partner.

I moved across country recently and used him as an emergency contact. I deeply regret that and I'll be changing it over to my family friends who have been better family than him to me.

I know he's a Redditor since he likes to repeat jokes he finds on here, so maybe he'll read this thread and recognize himself. Dad, on the off chance you read this: you're a fucking arrogant, selfish asshole.

You don't know how to deal with people honestly and you don't understand the finer nuances of human relationships.

You are a liability to me and frankly I wish you'd just fuck off. Just like my mom apparently didn't deserve honesty from you, you don't deserve honesty from me.

Also, your wife is transphobic trash and I hate her.

A person who talks about "being so close to the lgbt youth centers!" on one hand and then talks out of the other side of their mouth about how your other child is "dangerous because they're on testosterone" is a trash human who is liberal only in name and not in deed or thought and you should be fucking ashamed to value them above your own child when you ban your child from ever visiting.

/mmuser098765/

My dad is poly but my mom really isnt. They tried an open marriage for awhile but it didnt work out. My step-mom and my dad successfully have an open marriage and he has/had recently another girlfriend that he sees occasionally.

Before my dad met my step-mom but after he and my mom split up, he had a very serious girlfriend who was a good deal younger than him.

They had a bad breakup that had partly to do with my mom and partly to do with their age difference and wanting different things out of life.

I never knew about any of that until I was older. They all kept it very under wraps.

They never told me this, but I suspect that the girl my dad was with before my step-mom, my parents were trying and open relationship again, but this time with new girl as his "primary" and my mom as his secondary as they had already established that there were a lot of things that didnt quite work with them.

But no one ever told me that, it's just that the three of them seemed really close and my parents were really getting along for the first time in a long time despite my dad's nee girlfriend and their hard and fast relationship.

My parents were also both very active in AA. They'd both been clean and sober for years by the time they had kids and would frequently sponsor and house people on out property.

After finding out about their swinging/poly lifestyle and experiments I wonder how many of the people that stayed with us for a safe place to get sober, may have actually been my mom's boyfriends, or more likely, my dad's girlfriends.

Now as an adult, I've had a tiny bit of experience with poly relationships.

I'm fairly certain they're not for me and I know enough to know that they require a LOT of work in order to be healthy and open and honest and considerate of all parties involved. I mean, think about how hard 2 person relationships are.

Add another person, and all 3 peoples' feelings and needs have to be considered.

I've seen people do it beautifully and successfully, but I cant imagine my parents ever could have been successful at it with how messed up they are in some ways that are vital to interpersonal relationships.

I'm not sure if this is very informative for you since I wasn't aware that my parents were poly for most of my childhood.

I think keeping that sort of thing from the kids was common back then.

/ohcoconuts/

Wait shit, I keep forgetting this applies to me.

When I was born my father was married to my (then) stepmother and they were dating my mother. My dad had had a few kids with my stepmom by the time I entered a picture, and idk if my dad just refused to use a condom or what because he didn’t stop having kids for awhile.

I have a brother born within a week of me to my stepmom.
When I was very young all three of them split for a network of reasons. They were never a very functional unit. My stepmom was kicked out of the picture taking one kid with her while my mom looked after and parented many kids, only one of which were biologically hers (me). 

My dad and mom had a ton of issues related to some masculinity complexes on the part of my dad, and nothing really dysfunctional families.

The story I’m told is that my mom gave up a full ride at MIT to look after all these kids while my dad worked for some shitty grocery store.

Whatever the case she eventually left him, taking me with her. He tried to win her back, practically abandoning his other kids which made my mom even more upset.

A year or so later I got taken from my mom’s custody because a real serious case of abuse that was done either by her or her new husband. Idk which, she won’t tell me. Then after I was taken from her custody for some real serious drug addiction.

Ultimately it was network of issues, people fleeing abusive homes to make a new one. As far as I can tell everyone is doing well now. Dad is with a new woman who’s the breadwinner of their family.

My mom finished rehab, won back custody of me, and we’ve had our problems but we’re working through them, and she went back to college and is now doing well for herself.

I’m not sure what happened to my ex-stepmom. I hope she’s doing well.

Going forward I do have very close friends who are poly and will be raising kids as a large family unit. I think it’s certainly doable, and that they’re gonna be successful.

It’s just that any relationship (and having kids) is affected so much by the life you’re living. It’s not going to free you from a toxic life.

You have to rid the toxicity from your life before you have kids. If you’re in something that’s ruining your life, it’s going to ruin your life and your relationships and your relationship with your kids.

/mmuser098765/

So, I'm a grandkid of a poly relationship.... kind of.

My grandfather had a wife (my maternal grandma), a mistress (live in partner), and a girlfriend (non live in partner) up until he died in his 70s.

Ironically, they weren't hippies or commune folk. My grandfather was a prominent lawyer in New York who later became a judge: Conservative, Irish, Catholic, basically the poster-dude for like 1960's upper-middle class family man.

Through the 60s, 70s, and 80s he really only had mistresses hush-hush on the side. God knows how many. In the 90s he just sort of openly brought one of them into the family.

Then another. By the time he died there was, as I mentioned, his wife, mistress, and girlfriend in addition, though my grandmother had separated from him and left.

I was old enough to be cognizant of this dynamic as a kid in the 90s, though I obviously didn't understand the finer points of it.

Since my other grandparents lived too far away to be a point of reference, I simply assumed that some, or maybe most grandparents had a similar situation.

In kid logic, it actually kind of made sense to me... like you're married to someone for 30 years then you get tired of them, separate, and get a girlfriend or two.

It wasn't until I hit my teens that I started to realize that oh, yeah this isn't a standard "get divorced and remarried" type situation. It was a bit more... fluid.

My grandmother and grandfather had a cordial relationship after the initial ugliness of separating. They never formally divorced.

She did not speak to either his mistress nor his girlfriend.

And while my mom and her siblings bore the brunt of the ugliness from when my grandma and grandpa first separated and the others were introduced, everyone was extremely loving and attentive towards the grandkids, me being the oldest and most aware of everything.

And none of us ever had any issues, discomfort or drama with the mistresses. I can actually say that his girlfriend was one of my favorite people in the world.

Ironically, she had been married to my grandfather's best friend -- that's a WHOLE other story though.

[redacted]

Growing up in a polyamorous family has been a whirlwind adventure, filled with unique experiences that most kids could hardly imagine.

I was born into a family where my parents, Linda and John, were deeply in love and committed to each other. But, unlike most traditional families, there was a third parent involved – Elise.

She wasn't legally married to my dad, but in our house, she was just as much a parent as Linda and John were. Our home was always bustling with activity.

With three parents and five siblings, each from different combinations within our extended family, there was never a dull moment. From the outside, our house looked like any other suburban home, but inside, it was a melting pot of personalities, opinions, and love.

From a young age, I learned that love wasn't confined to the traditional norms. My parents and Elise had their own bedrooms, but they shared everything else – from parenting duties to household chores.

It was normal for me to have three adults tucking me in at night, each offering their unique bedtime stories. However, this unconventional setup wasn't without its challenges.

As the youngest, I often felt lost in the shuffle of our big, blended family. I remember feeling confused about why my family was different when I started school. My classmates talked about their parents, and it struck me that they only had two.

I became acutely aware of our family's uniqueness, and for a while, I resented it. I longed for the ‘normalcy’ that other kids seemed to have.

But as I grew older, I began to see the beauty in our unique family structure. I realized that I had a support system that most kids could only dream of.

I had three times the love, guidance, and support. Each of my parents brought something different to the table, from Linda's artistic flair to John's love for outdoor adventures, to Elise's intellectual conversations. Yet, the road to acceptance wasn't easy. The hardest part was the outside world's perception.

I faced questions and sometimes judgment from friends and their parents.

There were times I felt like an outcast, unable to openly share my family life for fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed. Despite these challenges, I wouldn't trade my upbringing for anything.

It taught me valuable lessons about love, acceptance, and the true meaning of family.

As I stand on the brink of adulthood, I carry with me the understanding that families come in all shapes and sizes, and love, in any form, is valid and beautiful.

/bobbernickle/

Living in a polyamorous household, as one might imagine, is far from ordinary. My story begins in a typical suburban neighborhood, but behind our front door was a world that few could relate to.

My dad, a charismatic and loving figure, has always been openly polyamorous. Alongside my mom, there were two other women in his life who were as much a part of our family as anyone else.

The dynamics of our household were ever-changing. With each new partner that my parents brought into our lives, the family structure shifted.

As a child, this constant change was both exhilarating and disorienting. I was privy to a diversity of thoughts, beliefs, and lifestyles, which was fascinating but also overwhelming at times.

The house itself was always full of life. We had an oversized dining table that often wasn't big enough to accommodate everyone. Our living room was a melting pot of different adults and children, each bringing their own energy into the space.

On one end, you might find a group playing board games, while on the other, a heated debate about politics or philosophy might be unfolding. It was like living in a small, bustling community where there was always someone to talk to, play with, or learn from.

But growing up in such an environment had its downsides. With so many adults in the house, I sometimes felt overlooked. My emotional needs and desires seemed to get lost in the complexities of their relationships.

When conflicts arose between the adults, the atmosphere would become tense and strained, and as a child, I didn't always understand what was happening or why. Another challenge was the transient nature of some of these relationships.

I remember forming attachments to some of my parents' partners, only to experience the pain of their departure when the relationship ended. It was like losing a member of the family over and over again.

It made me cautious about forming bonds with new partners, unsure if they would stick around or leave like the others.

Explaining my family to friends and teachers was another hurdle. I often felt like I had to downplay our lifestyle to avoid judgment or awkward questions. I envied the simplicity my friends seemed to have with their traditional families.

At times, I wished for a life that was less complicated and more predictable. Despite these challenges, my upbringing in a polyamorous household has shaped me into who I am today. I've learned to be adaptable, open-minded, and empathetic.

I understand that relationships and love can take many forms and that what's most important is the love and respect that people have for each other. As I've grown older, I've come to appreciate the unique upbringing I had.

It's given me a broader perspective on life and relationships, even though it hasn't always been easy. I now see the value in the diversity and richness of my family life, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

/BirdCat13/

My story is one of growing up in the shadows of my parents' polyamorous relationships. It's a narrative filled with complexities and emotions that have shaped my understanding of love and relationships.

My parents were always open about their lifestyle. From a young age, I knew that my mom and dad had other romantic partners. Our home was a constantly evolving space, with different adults coming and going, each bringing their unique presence into our lives.

The dynamics of my family were unconventional, to say the least. On any given day, you might find a handful of adults discussing their day, planning outings, or just relaxing in our living room. Each of my parents’ partners had their own relationship with me and my siblings, some more involved than others.

It was fascinating to have such a variety of adult figures in my life, but it also created a sense of confusion about where I fit in. As a child, I struggled with the concept of my parents being romantically involved with people other than each other. I couldn't comprehend why they needed other partners or what it meant for our family.

This confusion often turned into frustration and a feeling of being neglected. There were times when it seemed like my parents were more focused on their other relationships than on me. Then there were the breakups. Each one felt like a mini divorce within our family. I remember the heartache of saying goodbye to people I had grown to love, not knowing if I would ever see them again.

It was a cycle of forming attachments and then experiencing loss, which left me wary of getting too close to any new partners my parents introduced. Explaining my family situation to others was another challenge.

I often felt like I had to hide a significant part of my life to avoid judgment or awkward questions. It was isolating and made me feel different from my peers.

As I grew older, I began to better understand my parents' choices. I learned that love can take many forms and that the traditional idea of a family is just one of many possibilities. However, this understanding didn't always alleviate the challenges I faced.

One of the hardest parts was dealing with the outside world's perception of our family. I faced skepticism and sometimes outright judgment from friends and their parents. I remember feeling embarrassed and defensive, trying to justify my family's lifestyle to those who couldn't or wouldn't understand. Yet, despite the difficulties, there were also moments of profound joy and love in our home. I had multiple parental figures to turn to for advice, comfort, and support.

There was always someone to attend my school events, help with homework, or just listen when I needed to talk. The diversity of thought and experience I was exposed to has undoubtedly made me a more well-rounded and empathetic person.

As I stand on the cusp of adulthood, I carry with me a deep understanding of the complexity of human relationships.

My upbringing in a polyamorous household has taught me that love is not a finite resource but something that can grow and expand in unexpected ways. It's given me a perspective on relationships that is open, accepting, and inclusive.

While I sometimes longed for a more conventional family life, I now appreciate the unique experiences my upbringing has provided me. It has taught me about the importance of communication, honesty, and respect in all relationships.

As I navigate my own path in life, I know that these lessons will be invaluable, shaping how I form connections with others and understand the world around me.

/PossiblyMarsupial/

In the dynamic and ever-evolving world of my polyamorous family, love isn't just a feeling but a living, breathing entity that changes form and intensity with each passing day. I'm Jamie, 16 years old, navigating through life in a household where love knows no bounds and boundaries are continually redrawn.

My parents, together with Elise, Mom's long-term partner, have created a unique family fabric that is both enriching and perplexing.

Our home is like a bustling station, always buzzing with the energy and stories of numerous adults and children.

Mom, Dad, Elise, and occasionally other partners share the responsibility of running the household and parenting us six kids, each from different combinations of relationships within our family.

The atmosphere at home is a blend of stability and unpredictability, making each day a new adventure. Growing up, I always knew our family was different.

I remember feeling confused and curious about why my friends had only two parents while I had more.

My earliest memory of this realization was at a school event when I was six. I felt a mix of pride and embarrassment when talking about my family.

At home, the presence of multiple parental figures meant there was always someone to play with, to help with homework, or to engage in deep conversations about life and the universe.

The diversity in our household meant I was exposed to a wide array of hobbies and interests. Derek, Mom's other partner, was an amateur astronomer who instilled in me a love for the stars and galaxies. His passion for the cosmos opened my eyes to the wonders beyond our planet.

On the other hand, Angela, Dad’s girlfriend, was a professional painter whose creativity and artistry added vibrant colors to our lives. However, growing up in such an environment also posed its unique challenges. The most significant was the instability of relationships within our family.

I witnessed partners come and go, each leaving a mark on our lives and then disappearing, creating a sense of loss and emptiness. These experiences taught me the impermanence of relationships but also left me with a fear of forming deep attachments.

Explaining our family structure to my peers was another daunting task. I often felt the weight of judgment and skepticism from those who didn't understand our lifestyle.

It was a struggle to find the right balance between embracing my family's uniqueness and desiring to fit in with my friends.

Despite these challenges, the experience of growing up in a polyamorous family has been incredibly enlightening. It has taught me that love is not confined to traditional norms and can manifest in various forms.

The support, understanding, and love we share as a family have been the constants in the ever-changing landscape of our lives.

/melmel02/

I’m here to share my story of growing up in a polyamorous family, a tale that's a unique blend of love, learning, and a bit of chaos.

For me, this has always been my normal , but it's a normal that's quite different from what most of my friends experience.

In our household, love and relationships don't follow the conventional path. My mom has two other partners, and my dad has one.

Our home is always bustling with a mix of adults and kids, each bringing their own unique energy and perspective. This diversity has always been a source of learning and inspiration for me. Growing up in such an environment has its perks.

I've been exposed to a variety of interests and activities that I might not have encountered otherwise. Derek, Mom’s partner, shared his love for literature with me, leading to long discussions about classic novels and poetry.

Angela, Dad’s girlfriend, a professional chef, brought the world of culinary arts into our lives, and our kitchen became a place of delicious experiments and learning.

However, living in a polyamorous family also means facing challenges that are quite unique. Understanding and adapting to the various dynamics within our family was often confusing.

I remember feeling torn between the excitement of having a big, loving family and the longing for a more traditional, simple family structure.

Explaining our family structure to my friends was always a challenge. It was a delicate balance between being proud of my unique family and feeling the need to conform to what was considered 'normal'.

This often led to internal conflicts and a sense of isolation. Despite these challenges, my upbringing in a polyamorous family has been enlightening. It's taught me about the fluidity of love and relationships.

I’ve learned that family isn’t just about blood relations; it’s about the people who choose to be in your life, offering love and support.

As I navigate my teenage years, I’m beginning to appreciate the unique upbringing I've had. It’s shown me that there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to families.

Our version of normal might be different, but it’s filled with as much love, laughter, and learning as any other family.

Each story depicts a unique perspective of growing up in a polyamorous family, highlighting the complexities, challenges, and joys of such an upbringing.

These stories are fictional and serve to provide a diverse representation of experiences within polyamorous family structures.

/mercedes_lakitu/

I have a dad and two moms. Back in Jr High it was really hard describing to my friends that mom #2 was not a step mom.

My usual explanation was just “Oh, it’s not just my dad having two wives, It’s also my mom having a husband AND a wife like a love triangle”. In the beginning I was so naive and went with the flow and didn’t care.

I told them “as long as you’re happy, I’m happy”. Back then I thought it was cool to have a second mom.

She brought 2 little girls with her so I was also like “oh hell yeah now I get two little sisters, I’ve always wanted little sisters”.

It’s been about 6-7 years now. I think they’re all well over their honeymoon phase between the three of them.

It used to be just me, mom, dad, and my little brother. I feel like now that I’ve matured and am able to form my own thoughts and feelings, I sorta despise them for doing it.

I miss my old family and how it was. One of them is always fighting with the other, there is never peace.

Plus it drives me nuts when mom #2 tries telling me or my little brother what to do cause yanno, she’s not my mom.

At first it was fun and something new, but now I feel like it tears my family apart fiber by fiber. I want to forgive my parents but I can’t.

They didn’t care about how I or my little brother felt, they just did what they want and it drives me crazy. I wish it still just the original 4 of us. Now there’s 7 and it’s too much for me.

To clarify, this isn’t even a culture/religion thing. My mom and dad were friends with mom #2 and her former husband.

They hung out a lot, but mom #2’s ex husband was verbally abusive and ruined their fun a lot of the time.

My dad used to tell me they just wanted to “take her under their wing” when she was nearing the end of her marriage.

Idk. I’m on mobile and the story is too big to text out lol. If you have any more questions I’m open to answering.

My childhood was anything but ordinary. My mother, a vibrant and free-spirited woman, embraced polyamory following her divorce from my father.

I remember the days when our house transformed from a typical nuclear family home to a hub of diverse and fascinating individuals who came and went as my mother's partners.

The presence of my 'not-dad' stepfather, who had been a stable figure since I was about ten, provided some semblance of normalcy. Yet, the dynamics of our household were anything but typical.

My mother's partners, each unique in their own way, brought different energies and perspectives, making our home feel like a melting pot of cultures and ideologies.

As a teenager, I navigated through this maze of relationships with a mix of awe and confusion. I admired my mother's openness and the respect she commanded among her partners. The house always buzzed with activities, discussions, and laughter, making it a fascinating, albeit unconventional, place to grow up in. The real change came when I left for college.

I returned for holidays to find that my childhood home had been sold, and my mother had moved into a large house with three of her primary partners and my sister.

This new living arrangement was a stark departure from our earlier life. The house was always full of people, and the dynamic was more communal than ever. Living in such a setting had its perks. There was always someone to talk to, and the atmosphere was often lively and inclusive.

My mother's partners were kind, engaging, and treated me and my sister with affection. They were intellectuals, artists, and free thinkers who exposed me to a wide array of thoughts and experiences.

However, explaining our family setup to my friends and acquaintances was always a challenge. I often found myself simplifying the situation to avoid lengthy explanations or judgment.

The most awkward moments were introducing my mom's partners to my friends. The concept of having multiple parental figures was alien to most, and I could sense their struggle to comprehend our lifestyle. My mother’s role as the leader of a sex-positive organization added another layer of complexity to our lives.

The "workshops" and "events" she organized were often topics of hushed conversations among my peers. Explaining my mom's profession was a delicate task, often met with raised eyebrows and curious questions. Despite the complexities, the love and respect in our household were palpable.

My mother always maintained clear boundaries and ensured that my sister and I were comfortable and cared for. Her partners were more than just transient figures; they were mentors, friends, and part of our extended family.

Reflecting on my upbringing, I appreciate the open-mindedness and tolerance it instilled in me. I learned to embrace diversity and understand that love and relationships come in various forms.

My mother's courage to live authentically and defy societal norms has been a powerful influence, teaching me the value of living one's truth.

/ExcellentRush9198/

My parents' world of swinging and polyamory began even before I was born, but it wasn't until I was four that I started to notice the unusual dynamics in our household. The arrival of Faliceiono marked the beginning of a new chapter in our family life.

He started as a frequent visitor and soon became a permanent fixture, blurring the lines between guest and family member. Faliceiono's integration into our family was smooth at first. He brought an exotic charm and a different energy to our home. I remember him playing with me, teaching me words in his language, and bringing small gifts that made me feel special.

However, the complexity of the adult relationships around me was something I couldn't fully grasp. The arrival of Dani, another of my parents' partners, added to the already intricate web of relationships. It was a confusing time for me, witnessing my parents share affection with people other than each other.

Dani's presence was short-lived, but her departure, I later learned, was due to her pregnancy, which she didn't want to continue in the lifestyle. The real turmoil began when my mom got pregnant.

The uncertainty over the paternity of my soon-to-be-born brother created a palpable tension in our house. Faliceiono, facing the expiration of his visa, became increasingly desperate to claim his rights as a father.

His transformation from a caring friend to an aggressive claimant was shocking and frightening. The situation escalated rapidly, culminating in Faliceiono forcefully taking over the household and driving my dad out.

The house that once felt like a haven of love and acceptance turned into a battleground of egos and rights. My mom's struggle to regain control and protect us, her children, from the escalating hostility was both courageous and heart-wrenching.

In the aftermath, my parents divorced , leaving a trail of broken relationships and unresolved emotions.

My mother, seeking solace and stability, eventually found herself in an asexual relationship, a stark contrast to the vibrant and chaotic love life she once led. My father, on the other hand, seemed lost in the aftermath, dating occasionally but never committing to anything serious.

As I grew older and reflected on my childhood, the normalcy I once felt began to unravel. I realized the extent of the unconventional nature of my upbringing, and the impact it had on me.

I had been a silent observer of an adult world filled with complex emotions and relationships, something no child should have to navigate.

I learned of the romantic level of attraction that initially brought my parents together, a bond not rooted in physical attraction but in a deeper, more emotional connection. This understanding shed new light on their journey from swinging to polyamory, a journey marked by exploration and, ultimately, by heartache and dissolution.

My parents' experiences taught me about the fluid nature of relationships and the importance of clear communication and boundaries. But more importantly, they highlighted the potential consequences of such a lifestyle on the children involved.

As an adult, I view my parents' past with a mix of empathy and regret, understanding their pursuit of happiness but lamenting the instability it brought to our family life.

[redacted]

Growing up, I never thought much about my parents' private life. They were just mom and dad to me, loving, caring, and always there.

However, my perspective changed drastically one night in high school, an experience that would forever alter how I saw them and their relationship. It was supposed to be a typical Friday night.

My parents had plans to be out, and I, seizing the opportunity for some privacy and fun, invited my boyfriend and a few friends over.

We were laughing and chatting as we walked into my house, completely unaware of the scene we were about to encounter.

The living room was dimly lit with dozens of candles, casting shadows and creating an intimate ambiance that was unmistakably out of place. My mom was there, cuddled up on the couch with a man I had never seen before, waving casually at us as if nothing was amiss.

The silence that followed was deafening, only broken by the unmistakable sounds of intimacy coming from my parents' bedroom.

I was frozen, unable to process the situation. My friends were equally stunned, their expressions ranging from shock to curiosity. I quickly ushered them outside, my face burning with embarrassment.

The reality of my parents being swingers, something I had only vaguely been aware of, suddenly became a glaring, uncomfortable truth. In the days that followed, I grappled with a range of emotions - confusion, embarrassment, and even anger.

I questioned why they would be so open about their lifestyle, especially knowing I could be home.

The incident sparked many uncomfortable conversations, revealing the depth of my mom's codependency and her struggles within the swinger lifestyle. As I matured, I began to understand and accept my parents' choices, recognizing that their lifestyle was a part of who they were.

I even found myself exploring open relationships, drawn to the honesty and freedom they offered. However, the memory of that night remained a reminder of the delicate balance between openness and discretion, especially in a family setting.

Reflecting on my teenage years, I realize that my parents' openness about their lifestyle, while initially shocking, also offered valuable lessons.

It taught me about the diversity of relationships and the importance of communication and consent.

While I may not have agreed with their methods, I appreciated their honesty and the love they always showed me and my siblings.

/Vivid-Possession303/

Not me but a friend in college and sadly it wasn’t as positive as some of the other stories on this thread.

His parents both had a variety of boyfriends and girlfriends that they would more often than not neglect their son and daughter, he told me stories of times they would leave him to care for his sister so that they could have date night, he lost a good chunk of his childhood being the parent that was never there because there was a 4 year age gap between him and his sister, he told me that when he was around 9 one of his moms boyfriends struck him for “not listening” his mom did break up with him for that, but it still scared him that his mom would be back together with that person after a few months of therapy, with gave him a massive mistrust of therapists.

He said in his later teens several of his parents loves would show disappointment over the fact that he didn’t want to date anyone period and came out as asexual.

He said the worst was when another one of his moms boyfriends tried to get into a relationship while he was 16 and I don’t know this mans age because he never knew.

He didn’t have a positive experience and has an avid hate of relationship beyond friends and family, his sister has some issues to but doesn’t share his fear of therapists so she has gotten help and has mended some.

They are both no contact with their parents who only try to reach out on Christmas

[redacted]

Wow, this applies to me! I grew up with 1 dad and 2 moms.

My bio mom and my other mom both got pregnant at the same time, so I have a half-brother that was born two weeks before me.

Since we are the same age, everyone thinks we are twins, but they get really confused when we tell them that no, we're two weeks apart.

I also have a full sister, and my brother has a half sister that was born 18 years before him, who I'm not technically blood related to. Though she is still my sister.

My childhood was pretty normal except I had 2 moms instead of 1. Extra parenting I guess.

There were one or two cases of my dad getting another girlfriend and them moving in with us for a year or so.

They just lived in an extra room and helped with us kids and all that. All of my parents had separate rooms.

One of my moms moved out when I was probably 10 because of issues with my dad's girlfriend.

I still got to see her but not nearly as often.

It was harder on my brother though, as it was his birth mom that moved out and he was stuck with my biological mom, who is kinda crazy.

We all still have a good relationship and I visit my other mom and my sister often.

We are still a family, just a kind of weird family.

Also all my parents, me and my siblings are all bisexual except for one.

He is kind of the black sheep because of how normal he is, lol.

/ImpulsiveEllephant/

My parents were poly but it started out of cheating and getting back at one another.

I suppose they were always “open” but not poly.

Basically, the woman who was my dads girlfriend for many years tried to get him and my mom to divorce so she could be my mom and my dads wife.

Years passed of me being shuffled around and ignored so they could pursue their love lives.

Eventually my dad cut the woman out of his life, my parents divorced, and now I don’t have a relationship with either of my parents because they’re shitty (that was part of it).

Since this is getting some upvotes all add: my mom also dated this woman’s husband, they had a kid who was a lot older than me who did his own thing.

My mom had other partners but my dad kinda kept this one lady around for many years.

Neither of them are poly/open/ whatever anymore since the divorce.

That was many years ago.

This all happened when I was 5-11, and me and my sister had a shit life for it. They are mentally ill people who attract other mentally ill people.

I did try non monogamy myself and also had a very bad experience later on, while my mom told me to just keep trying it.

That woman who my dad cut out later tried to get my mom to be with her (my mom is queer).

Both my parents are now single I think.

Weird fucking thing.

/Hijakkr/

My father married my mother, and then another woman 6 years later.

then again 6 years after that (legal to marry without divorce/informing the wife).

i think that spacing is mostly a coincidence.

i grew up around a lot of depression, jealousy, possessiveness, resentment and anger.

my stepmom was possessive of my dad and didn't want the two households to be equal.

my mother was depressed and angry which turned into lifelong dysfunction.

my father was too busy running around to be present, and had no real interest in (raising) children back then.

I see many comments about communal/poly relationships raising kids with a wider network of well-adjusted and present adults but my parents' situation meant i had no one to rely on.

besides my own family's dysfunction, extended family and friends wanted nothing to do with the mess.

i grew up without much support or well-rounded relationships.

im in my 20s now, there's still a lot of unfairness

Then i took the brunt of the trauma when it came to witnessing fights and resentment ebb and flow over the years.

my parents/stepmom are better as a group of adults raising kids now.

my siblings and i (from both mothers) are very great, with no acknowledgement of maternal difference.

/blooangl/