He couldn't stop laughing... I went to Catholic school, and we had to attend a weekly mass, on Fridays during the school day. While at mass, at a moment when we all needed to stand up, and as Father C. was just finished saying: "Let us give praise to The Lord thy God", and just before we were supposed to respond: "Let us give Him thanks, and praise", Weezer (not his real name), let rip a fart.
It wasn't a particularly loud fart but the chapel we were in, was indeed a particularly reverberant one, thus adding a very audible sonic tail, to said fart that was heard clearly in the silence between the call, and answer part.
The look on Father C.'s face was priceless. He was dumbfounded, and livid. No doubt with all the years of being a priest, at a school, that used to be an all boys academy back in the 50's he must've experienced some other wise ass kid doing the same thing bu he was furious nonetheless.
To his credit, when the soft wave of echoing tween chuckles (there were at least forty of us) was interwoven with "Let us give Him thanks , and praise", Father C. maintained his composure, and moved on. However, Spanky (not his real name) could not stop laughing. He tried though but as you can imagine, every muffled chortle, just echoed, and became fuel for even more laughter.
Weezer, on the other hand, remained stone faced, you would have thought nothing had happened, at all. He never cracked a smile, or even looked around, to feign that it wasn't him. In retrospect it was masterful.
Anyway; this made it all the more funny to Spanky, and he was already tearing.
Immediately after mass Sister Discipline (not her real name), led us the the gym where we all had to stand, as she demanded t know:
"Who flatulated in the grotto?!?" That's what we called the chapel, as it was a crude re-created version of the cave that The Virgin Mary appeared in, in France. But I digress.
When we heard the word "flatulated" we all lost it (except for Weezer who just stood there, with his hands behind his back like he was contemplating Father C's sermon) but only for like a second, because Sister Discipline was no joke, and we were all terrified of her!
But Spanky didn't get the memo...He could not stop laughing! I wonder now if he was high but we were 12, and mass was at like 11AM, even in the unlikely scenario that he puffed before school, he couldn' t have still been that high three hours later.
Anyway, Spanky was no longer holding back. Every time Sister Discipline slammed her pointer on the table , and Weezer kept up his stone face, Spanky would just lose it all over again.
Obviously, everyone, except us kids, thought it was Spanky that "flatulated". When confronted, Spanky was laughing too hard to even utter words of defense, or denial, and to, his, credit, he didn't rat out Weezer, who was still just staring around like he didn't even know why we were there.
Well at that point Sr. Discipline yelled: " If you don't stop this, right now, you can GET OUT!!!"
So Spanky, while still laughing, and with tears in his eyes, and snot running down his face, that he was trying to wipe off with his tie, just turned, an walked towards the exit door, opened it up (the sunlight lit up the gym, and created a halo like effect around Weezer) turned back around, waved at us all, while still laughing ,stepped out, and as the door slammed shut, let out a howling laugh that I can still hear this very moment as I write this, and was never seen, by any of us, till this day.
We were only weeks away from our 8th grade graduation by the way. My guess is that when he got home, in the middle of the day, he told his grandparents (who were raising him) what happened, and they just sent his ass to military school like they had promised, if he got in trouble again. No one else ratted on Weezer so he got away with his holy flatulence.
Username: DonHozy