The story you're about to read is the exact opposite of relationship goals. This woman wrote in to relationship advice columnist Morgan Absher and explained the situation she found herself in with a married man, and, well... it might just be best if you read on and see for yourself.
"I am a 39-year-old female and my boyfriend is a 33-year-old male. We have been together for five years. There are a few things I can’t handle and have voiced my opinion on, but I get called crazy or just get ignored. Communication for us has been minimal for the past two years or so."
"What has recently made me upset and is my last straw, is that he decided he wanted to take time off for his birthday. I am not mad that he wants to go and do something alone for his birthday. I’m more upset that he didn’t ask if I was doing anything for him, which I always do, and didn’t ask if I wanted to go."
"There’s a popular saying: “If he wants to, he will." Your boyfriend doesn’t even seem to be trying. The fact that he isn’t actively pursuing his divorce himself is a pretty big red flag for me. Why is he comfortable being married to his ex?"
"Besides that, though, there are other issues at hand. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to appreciate or respect you. He brushes you off, calls you crazy and fails to establish basic communication. Communication and trust are at the core of sound relationships. If he’s been unwilling to hear you out for the past two years, unfortunately, I don’t think this is changing any time soon."
"How can you have a partnership with someone who refuses to acknowledge or even talk to you? Your boyfriend is also failing in meeting your basic need for connection – whether this is by a lack of intimacy, ignoring your spicy pictures or even making plans on his birthday that don’t involve or acknowledge you."
"There’s a relationship therapist named Dr. John Gottman, and he talks about “bids” being an important aspect of relationships. These bids are what he calls “fundamental units of emotional connection.” But more or less, these are moments where we try to connect with our partners. Your partner is ignoring any bid you try to extend, which in turn can create resentment, decreased trust and lack of connection – none of which are good for a healthy, long-lasting relationship. You may be interested in Dr. Gottman’s book, What Makes Love Last."
"You shouldn’t have to demand or beg someone to pay attention to you, spend time with you or be in a relationship with you. You deserve to feel supported, communicated with and loved in your relationship. Based on your story, this relationship does not seem like one that is promoting a safe, happy, healthy environment for you."
So what did we learn? First of all, don't date a married man, especially one that's clearly lying about wanting a divorce. And if he asks you to pay for it, run, don't walk. A relationship like that? You're better off being alone.