Why? Why are people the worst? (Not you. You are a gift from God.) Why do they suck so bad?
It's almost like people were put on Earth to simply disappoint. (Again...NOT YOU.) But what are we gonna do about it? Leave the planet? Sure, maybe sometime in the very distant future, but until that illustrious day comes, instead of hiding your true feelings about the human race, why not get some of this awesome merch that tells all those garbage people in the world what you really think?
The only thing worse than mornings are morning people. If you are around someone who loves — truly LOVES — getting up at the crack of dawn to watch the sunrise because it, "inspires them to live life to the fullest," then you need this pillow to show them what's what. Mornings are meant for sleeping.
Okay, so some hump in front of you at Starbucks has asked if his mochaccino can be, "more chocolately than sweet, but not so overly bitter that it's undrinkable and oh, I forgot it needs to be half soy/half whole milk."
Nothing says, "I want nothing to do with you, the human race is doomed, leave me alone with my Hot Pockets and Fortnite, please and thank you," than this Troll King T-shirt. Let him do the work for you.
Honestly, you are doing people a service by wearing this shirt. No ones wants to actually smell your musk of lentils and desperation. But will people appreciate (or even really comprehend) the favor you are doing them by wearing this T? No...because people are awful.
Dumb questions are only allowed to come from children. They don't know any better. Adults asking things like, "What happens if I don't renew my license plates?", well, there's a special place in hell for you.
A study last summer showed that people who curse more are actually smarter than those who don't. They are also more honest. So you can %#$$ with that *&#&%^$ if you don't &&%*$ think that this **&@$$ mug is so %$#* %$#**& offensive.
Alright, so maybe after all of this you find that you are kinda...sorta...possibly...maybe starting to think people ain't so bad. Good for you! But you still wanna buy merch, just some that's not so...um...haterific? We are here for you and your new #blessed lifestyle with....