“When a woman points out another female - 99.99% of the time we have seen her way before you have pointed them out but play the whoaaaa/shocked route.”
We figured as much. Oh, and, you know how we say that we don’t notice guy’s hotness as you do with women? Well, that’s a lie, we’re very much aware of what is out there.
“Bed sheets rarely get washed.”
Um, yeh, if this is your idea of a secret than you don’t know what a secret is because we’ve known this for a while. Just the sight of your sheets gives us a clear idea.
“I'm scared as fuck of that spider too and don't wanna take care of it.”
We’re sorry to hear that, we really are. But, you’re still the one who has to kill it — feminists or not, we’re not doing it.
“The bromance is oftentimes better than the romance.”
We figured, that’s why we don’t let you hang out with your friend as much anymore. You think us sooo dumb.
“If we’re wearing sunglasses, we’re definitely freestyle checking out every set of boobs in the area.”
I guess you really don’t change much from the time you’re 13 years old onwards, do you? Well, we use sunglasses to hide our face without makeup, so there.
“I remember dates not because of their importance but because of the s--tstorm that would ensue if I forgot them.”
If fear is what it takes to get you to remember them than let it be. Whatever gets you to buy us a gift…
“When you give us the silent treatment, we actually enjoy it because we don’t have to hear anything for a while.”
Every woman in the world will now forego the torture tool that is the silent treatment. Instead, cue the long, emotional talks.
“Inside, we still feel like kids who probably should not be in charge of anything.”
Yeh, well, that’s why we only lead you to believe you’re in charge. We know who’s really running the operation.
“When it comes to providing for the family, we generally put on a brave-face and act content, but we're secretly freaking out that we aren't doing enough.”
Well, thanks for freaking out. We freak out too you know — about not being the best employees, the best partners, the best mothers. Really, all we want to do is eat ice cream 99 percent of the time.
“That making us sleep on the sofa is not a punishment. We actually quite like it. It’s like camping.”
Well, for us, it’s like spending a night in a luxury suite where we can actually sleep on both sides of the bed. So you go on and keep enjoying your camping.
“Girl-power shticks really show how low your self-esteem is and gives us the opposite impression you wish to impart by doing such things. Men respect actions, not group slogans.”
Yes, well, you’re right on this one and hey, that’s what the strongest women do.
“We're so desperate for validation. Any compliment we get, even if we answer with a grunt, will be cherished until the day we die.”
Really? Seriously? Now that’s a secret.
“When you ask what we're thinking, ‘nothing’ typically means ‘something dumb as all hell.’”
We figured…usually we catch you giggling by yourself like an 8-year-old.
“We cry sometimes when we’re alone. Like in the showers, lying in bed, or driving.”
It’s not like we’re going to punch you and tell you to man up if you cry in front of us. It’s 2017, it’s fine.
“We use decorative towels as normal towels.”
Let this be a joke and not a well-kept secret from women out there. You’re joking, right? Yeh, you are. You must be!