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Old Jokes That Are Still Surprisingly Hilarious

These jokes might be old, but they still pack a giggle full o' laughs.
Jadyn Beyer | Funniest Pics
Published December 7, 2021
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jokes funny comedy dad jokes

Old Jokes That Are Still Surprisingly Hilarious

These jokes might be old, but they still pack a giggle full o' laughs.
Jadyn Beyer | Funniest Pics
Published December 7, 2021
Advertisement
Advertisement
Next
Advertisement
Share
Advertisement
Read This Next
Morbid Riddles For People With a Twisted Sense of Humor
If you have a dark sense of humor, these riddles are for you.
This Woman Was Accused of Cheating By Her Boyfriend After Sleeping With Her Brother For Warmth
Who do you think is in the wrong here?
Advertisement
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1. Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening?

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Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age.

-from "Oedipus Tyrannus," by Greek playwright Sophocles

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2. What Is The Difference Between A Tube And A Foolish Dutchman?

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One is a hollow cylinder, and the other a silly Hollander.

-from the 19th Century

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3. Who Is The Greatest Chicken-Killer In Shakespeare?

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Macbeth, because he did murder most fowl.

-from the Victorian era

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4. Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is "nobody"...

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When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: "Help, nobody is attacking me!"

No one comes to help.

-from Homer's "The Odyssey," 800 BC, Ancient Greece

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5. What Are The Three Parts Of A Wood-Burning Stove?

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Lifter, legs, and poker.

-from the 19th century

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6. Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey...

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His purse is what restrains him.

-from Ancient Egypt, 30 BC

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7. Why is a dog like a tree?

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Because they both lose their bark once they're dead.

-from the Victorian era

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8. Why Are Young Ladies Like Arrows?

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Because they are all aquiver in the presence of a beau.

-from Prairie Farmer, Volume 58, 1886

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9. What's The Similarity Between A Balloon Floating In Midair And A Vagrant?

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They both have no visible means of support.

-from the Victorian era

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10. Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food

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When the donkey died of hunger, he said, "I've had a great loss! Just when he had learned not to eat, he died."

-found in the world's oldest "joke book," called "Philogelos" (or "Laughter-Lover"), written by Greeks Hierocles and Philagrius in the 4th century

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11. A Woman Who Was Blind In One Eye...

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...has been married to a man for 20 years.

When he found another woman he said to her, "I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye."

And she answered him: 'Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage?'

-unknown origin, 1100 BC, proving marriage has always been this way

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12. A Man Said To A Preacher...

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..."That was an excellent sermon, but it was not original." The preacher was taken aback. The man said he had a book at home containing every word the preacher used. The next day, the man brought the preacher a dictionary.

-1872, in an issue of the Daily Phoenix

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13. When is a door not a door?

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When it is a jar.

-origin unknown

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14. The Emperor Augustus was touring the Empire, when...

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...he noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself.

Intrigued, he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?"

"No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was."

-A "your mom" joke from ancient Rome, between 63 BC-14 AD

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15. What Is The Difference Between Stabbing A Man And Killing A Hog?

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One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.

-from the Victorian-era 

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16. What Do You Call The Largest Mammal On Earth That Lives In A Palace?

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The Prince of Wales, of course!

-from the 18th Century

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17. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

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You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

-1600 BC, Ancient Egypt

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18. She Was Only A Stableman's Daughter...

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But all the horse manure.

-from the late 19th century

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19. Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut...

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...the king replied: "In silence."

-found in "Philogelos" 

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20. "I Like To Go Camping"

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said Tom, intently.

-from the early 20th Century

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21. What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole it's often poked before?

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A key.

-From the 10th Century

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22. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty...

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...one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load.

The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen.

So they all went.

In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load.

Problem: Who owns the calf?

-from 1200 BC, Sumeria

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23. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial...

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...A young woman did not fart in her husband's lap.

-from Sumeria, 1900 BC

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24. A lady wrote the following letters at the bottom of her flour barrel...

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"O I C U R M T"

-from the Victorian era

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25. What's The Difference Between Photography And The Whooping Cough?

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One makes fac-similes; the other makes sick families.

- From 1875 in a Liverpool, UK newspaper

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26. While Passing A House On The Road, Two Salesmen Spotted A Very Peculiar Chimney

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They asked a flaxen-haired urchin standing near the house if it "drawed well," whereupon the aforementioned urchin gave them the stinging retort: "Yes, it draws all the attention of all the damned fools that pass this road."

-from the 1870s

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27. He: "I am a millionaire. Haven't I got money enough for both of us?'"

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SHE: "Yes, if you are moderate in your tastes."

-from the Victorian era

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28. Marriage...

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...is an institution intended to keep women out of mischief and get them into trouble.

-from the Victorian era

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29. Why should the number 288 never be mentioned in company?

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Because it is two gross.

-from the Victorian era

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30. Lil Audrey Was Sitting On The Porch With Her Brother...

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...She said, "Look, there's a quarter in the street!"

Her brother jumped up and ran into the street to get the money and was promptly squashed by a truck. And Lil Audrey just laughed and laughed, because she knew it was only a nickel.

- From the Dust Bowl era, America

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