You tell yourself this will be the last time, even though it never, ever is.
Doing nothing takes way more energy than we remember.
Oh, so we're just gonna be constantly exhausted for no reason, cool cool.
Even worse is when a sneeze causes your entire spine to become disjointed.
The economy is so bad these days a remake would be called Studio Apartment Alone.
But that's like three hours past our bedtime!
It's especially sad when the only athletes still older than you are in the hall of fame.
We're so old we just want Disney+ and shared healthcare.
Also, too much time in the sun gives you wrinkles, which ages you even faster.
If you really want to feel old, realize that "Weird Al" is in his 60s and looks better than all of us.
Nothing makes you feel more ancient than when your cake comes out with a precautionary fire extinguisher.
If you're worried about losing weight then just wait about 200 years and it'll be all gone!
Not saying we agree with them... but we understand.
Wait, you still have a good knee, you young whippersnapper?
We just feel flattered because it's the only place in the world that still checks our I.D.
While this seemed lame as a kid, it seems like paradise now.
Even sadder is in the amount of time it takes to explain it to her, you'll just get even older.
"Better get it done now, because I ain't coming back here for a long, long time."
And when you're in your 40s, it's just ash.
AGE 36: I want to get an extra 19 hours of sleep.