Our parents tell us that they love all of their kids equally, but we know that is a total lie! The problem with the internet is that tweets like this will last forever. Once your Mistake #1 is old enough to Google, you are toast. But you can't not post things. You have to live your life and do what you want. Just know that you may end up on a list for being one of of "The Biggest Jerks On The Internet." Don't worry, it's all worth it!
Just because Uber is cool enough to deliver food now, it doesn't mean that their drivers get to be total jerks. Also, who knows? Uber could be delivering food in a helicopter any day now. If Amazon could experiment with drones, anything is possible.
Oh damn, this roommate is good. I'm trying to think of what my reaction would be if I went into a guy's room for the first time and this shrine was in there. I think I would like it actually. Maybe that's my problem when it comes to dating.
A great quality phone means that a close-up selfie of your face is bound to look busted. However, we don't need our significant others to tell us how horrible we look. Let us figure that out for ourselves. Okay?
OMG this guy is the ultimate jerk. While he may think "uncultured swine" is a cute pet name, ask her mom what she thinks about you calling her daughter that. Yeah, that's what I thought. Edit that caption right now!
Oh damn, this dad is rubbing it in and hard! Well, maybe he can draw her a sketch of some of the pictures that have popped up on her Instagram feed since she got her phone taken away? That way she won't feel like she is missing out?
Why is she a jerk? She is actually amazing for getting her mom exactly what she wanted. I think it's thoughtful, unique and kind. And then that little note on the Jar Of Nothing is just the icing on the cake!
Wow, this is really, really messed up. Way to kick people while they are down. Does this guy know how hard it is to find an outlet in an airport? Of course he does or he wouldn't have come up with this idea.
Maybe you guys aren't looking for the same things. Which is totally fine, but you guys should talk about it. You need to be on the same team! Judging by that face he is making, he doesn't look like he is on her team.
Damn, there is nothing worse than stealing a cab from David Duchovny. Oh wait, yeah there is. Taking a picture of you stealing a cab from David Duchovny is worse. And what is worse than that? Tweeting about it!