Winter can be an amazing time of year. With the winter comes snowmen, Christmas and Chanukah, sledding, decorations, presents, mulled wine and eggnog and more. Winter is the best! Right? Isn't winter the best?
Who am I kidding? Winter sucks. With winter comes slushy dirty snow, seasonal affective disorder, hairy legs, cold weather that will freeze you to your bones and very little sunlight. Hey sun, get the F out here please!
And one more thing, sun...If we have to do this whole winter thing, then you have to, too. I will never understand why we make it so it gets super dark at 4:30pm. We are responsible for our own depression. 4:30 just seems a bit extreme, don't you think? How do you expect us to be productive or social in any way when it gets dark so early? It just isn't fair at all!
And if you are a woman who has ever lived anywhere cold then you know that you become a hairy beast in the winter months. Why would you shave? You need the extra warmth. And I am not just talking a few days without shaving here and there. I am talking weeks, months and even all winter long. You people in Southern California wouldn't understand.
And we all know that feeling when you are lying in bed and you really have to pee. You are about to explode, but it is so warm under your covers and you just can't do it. You'd rather pee yourself then get out of bed. You just would.
It is time to buy a new winter jacket and you can't decide which one to get. One is comfy and cozy and super warm, but it is really bulky and you feel like a marshmallow when you put it on. The other one is thin but it's so cute. Like really cute! Of course you buy the cute one and then you freeze to death all winter long because you are a vain idiot.
This sad little cartoon is right. We should never live somewhere where the air hurts our face. It's not right no matter how cool the city is. Our faces should always feel fabulous and we need to make sure we keep it that way!
Yes, women's feet are incredibly cold in the winter, but let's get real, women's feet are just cold in general. Every single day. It doesn't matter how cold or hot it is outside, our feet will still be absolutely freezing.
You are so excited that winter is coming and then it gets here and...fail! Your life is suddenly filled with rain, clouds, sleet, snow and sadness. Just extreme depression, no sunlight and overall sadness.
If you think for one second that you are going to find a nice winter coat that shows off your figure and makes you feel cute, then you are insane. The puffier, the bulkier, the warmer the better. If you look like a walrus, then you are going to be just fine this winter.
Everyone loves the idea of having long hair and then...winter comes. Your hair is constantly stuck in your scarf and knotted up because of all the layers. It blows in your face and gets wet in the snow and the static electricity? Don't even get me started!
The holidays are about many things, including getting fat. And there is really no way around it. You just have to embrace it, own it, eat those cookies and try not to worry about it too much. It just is what it is!
It is funny how someone will hold on to something that you once loved and just stick to it for the rest of your life. Mom, I love you and I love ladybugs, but I don't need 30 more ladybug trinkets to put on my desk. I am over 30.
Add curb hurdling to the list. When you live in a big city, like New York City, the city plows the streets so you can still get to where you need to go when it snows. The problem is that they plow it into these big piles that you have to get over in order to walk on the sidewalk or cross the street. That, my friends is called curb hurdling. You are welcome.
If you just turned on the heater, your life would be incredibly different. It is worth the money, I promise you. Just try it for one day and you will see what I mean. There are things that are worth saving money on, but heat in the winter is not one of those things.